Ordinary garden variety adultery, the kind that gets started at work, with a neighbour/friend, or at a bar is bad enough. But with a “cyber romance” the victim, in most cases, has no idea WHO the “enemy” is.
Obviously severely limiting the opportunity to retaliate. To say the least!
Getting through this emotional minefield with your mind intact is a lot like the definition of maturity as: “accepting the things you can’t change.” It’s like that. But not exactly that.
Let me explain. Other than dynamiting the offending computer,causing it to malfunction, and/or limiting your partner’s access to it – there’s nothing else there you can change.
What you can, and should change, is your attitude. Don’t rest in the comfortable righteous indignation zone. Don’t wear the “victim conciousness” coat. Throw it away!
Present a persona of strength and independance(even if it is a facade) This will make your partner(who must be paranoid about you “knowning”) wonder why you’re so calm, cool and collected. (Could it be that it is you who is no longer gung-ho for the relationship?)
This, naturally will eat away at your spouse’s ego. And that’s just what you want. Because while they’re weakened and wondering – you’re going to hit ‘em with your best shot!
Which is……YOU! You are your own “secret weapon.” You have a history with your partner much longer and deeper than the “online fantasy.” When you turn up the heat of all the attractions of you that got your partner drooling in the first place, they will, thinking it was their idea, log off from fantasy land.
And that, is how you go about surviving an online affair.